The film becomes a political thriller as our heroes are (thankfully) thwarted and hushed up by a soulless government. Ryan DiGiorgi and Evan Jacover help us follow the money.
Everyone on the island, no matter how evil, is forgiven and sent to Heaven. Except for Indy and Marion who are left to languish on a desert island. Meanwhile, our guests Evan Jacover and Ryan DiGiorgi help us weigh Indy’s heart against the Ten Commandments.
Screaming crazy using all my breath / Opening the Ark was probably not the best / Ryan DiGiorgi likes my swiftly oozing face / Evan Jacover thinks that Belloq's a mental case.
Guess what? The rules surrounding the Ark are super hard to figure out. But with the help of Evan Jacover and Ryan DiGiorgi, we might come close to convincing ourselves we've almost figured out something like one of them.
Something that we thought was impossible happens, and it signals Belloq's downfall. And we do not mean Ryan DiGiorgi and Evan Jacover from Hello from the Magic Tavern joining us.
Nazi soldiers take Jones into custody and tie him and Marion up in Malta for some reason. Then some other Nazis lift the lid off the Ark to reveal . . . our guest Chris Eliopoulos!
For once Belloq makes a speech that works to his advantage, to the point where our guest Chris Eliopoulos thinks René is the hero of the movie.
Blow up the Ark? Blow up the girl? Blow up the Ark but not the girl? Blow up most of the Nazis but not guest Chris Eliopoulos? We should have thought this out more.
The Ark is carried through a desert canyon. That’s it. But somehow our guest Chris Eliopoulos was still interested enough to stay.
We were all excited to peek inside the Ark before the ritual Belloq talks Dietrich into, but then Chris Eliopoulos showed up and distracted us.
As Indy beats up a couple of Nazis for their clothes we learn how to write our own deleted scene, how to get a hat, and how to get canonical with help from our guest Heather Antos. Bonus: Dengar!
Indy drowns to death, The End. In lieu of flowers, please read Heather Antos's Star Wars comic books.
Indy completely misses a lesson in manners as Belloq drapes his jacket over Marion's shoulders. He also misses Katanga's and his first mate's classic I Found Him/Where/There routine. Then Heather Antos or someone who looks a little like her joins us on the U-boat to get yelled at in German. Bonus: Rest easy; Indy's hat is FINE.
As Indy and our guest Heather Antos watch from a hiding place, Marion takes a swing at Dietrich, plays along with Katanga’s bluff, and allows Belloq to reclaim her.
What does Katanga get for being an awesome, helpful guy? A German U-boat alongside his ship. Then Indy (say it with us) ditches Marion who can handle herself, but our guest Heather Antos wants to know why the Ark is so silent with all these Nazis on board.
Does Marion really expect to get a break with Indy? Is the Ark burning swastikas or just wood? And does Indy have to say <Wilhelm> every second? Crystal Beth helps us answer the biggest question of all: Did they do it?
It's a travelogue of Indy's battered body as Marion asks, "New dammit, where doesn’t it hurt?" and finds out. With sexy, snoozy results. Our guest Crystal Beth points out that Marion is on top of the situation as we all swoon a little.
Marion is excited to play house with Indy, whose chin is killing him for some reason. Crystal Beth joins us to discuss who wears the dress-shaped pants in this relationship.
Sallah makes out with everyone in sight, and Indy and Marion perform their now-classic "Where'd You Get That Dress" routine. Not included: Our guest Sean Crespo's full performance of HMS Pinafore.
Indy and Marion are treated to a dock-side floor show as we are treated to . . . Katanga! And Indy may love Sallah, but as our guest Sean Crespo points out, he fails to get him pizza.
The moment we've all been waiting for. We finally get to the hero of the movie: Omar! Unfortunately, the moment is clouded by Toht managing to get even creepier, and the only one more disturbed than Tom is the Ark. But it's okay; Jamie Benning is here to explain the sense of deja vu we're all feeling.
It's the Revenge of Jones as Indy Yakima Canutts his way back into the truck and gives Nazi Dad a taste of his own medicine, and Jamie Benning shares yet more Wolf Kahler love.